you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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