my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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