Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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