even my farts smell like vagina
I checked into jail on foursquare
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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