I showed him my bush... on skype.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
