Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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