literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
