people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wish there were birth control emojis
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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