We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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