yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
