The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize