I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
