I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
