a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
