Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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