What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
