$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
