Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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