dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
