You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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