who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
