just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
