it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize