It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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