rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
