Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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