Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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