This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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