would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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