i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
