I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We don't watch enough power rangers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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