after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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