I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
