I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
