a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
