the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
