dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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