Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
