What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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