Pappa wants mamma naked
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
