ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
