Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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