My first STD was from a foam party
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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