Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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