You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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