I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
