i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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