See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
