don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
