so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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