Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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