Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize