remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
