How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
