My friends, they love my intelligence
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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