I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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