This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
