I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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